Most know Hodgman as the "PC" character in Apple commercials or as a contributor to "The Daily Show."
John Hodgman
You probably know John Hodgman as the "PC" character in Apple commercials. Or maybe as a contributor to "The Daily Show." Or maybe you have read his three books of made-up facts, including his most recent, "That is All," about the end of the world.
No matter how you know him, the writer/actor/comedian (and self-described "deranged millionaire") will bring his singular brand of quirky wit to the Calvin Theatre on Friday. He took a few minutes recently to chat about the end times, his book, and regional sodas (both fake and real).
I find it suspicious that you scheduled this interview for the very day that the iPad Mini was to be announced. Is this some sort of ploy on your part to divert attention from it, seeing as you played a PC in the Apple commercials?
I'm embarrassed to admit that I was not even aware of that. I knew that the iPad Mini was going to be announced any second, but I didn't know that it was happening today. That is how far into the wilderness I have gone as a deranged millionaire, deep in my survival brownstone in Park Slope, where I don't get any of the news.
I guess that makes sense since you are preparing for the end of the world.
Well, arguably I could be taking all the money I have left and be buying thousands of iPad Minis, because although I won't have a long time to enjoy them, once the Omega pulse blanks out the North American power grid, I think they would be great as little coasters.
So, as you noted, you are a deranged millionaire, but you're also a writer, actor and comedian. Is your career arc going the way you thought it would?
No, my career arc is not an arc. It's an incredibly surprising hard right turn. When I started writing these books of fake facts and made up trivia in 2005! I was very happily a writer for magazines and an occasional performer of literary humor here in New York City and I hope that the time that I would become a professional author of books and nothing more. But then I went on "The Daily Show" to promote my first book, and we had a good time talking about hobos, John Stewart and I, and they invited me back to do comedy on the show, which launched me on a completely different career--such that I was suddenly on-camera talent, which if you've ever seen me in person you would agree is a very implausible thing for me to be. That led to the audition for the Apple ads which unexpectedly was a job that I got and that essentially transform me into a very famous, minor television personality--which I did not expect in the least but which I've enjoyed very much.
One issue I have to address from your latest book is this: Since I'm from Massachusetts, what have you got against Shunt, our (fictional) regional soda that is made of anise, formaldehyde and brain?
Well, mostly it's a rip off of Ty's Brain Drizzle, which was the original cerebral-spinal fusion soda made out of Brattleboro. So it's not so much that I have anything against it, as much as it's Mr. Pibb to Ty's Brain Drizzle's Dr Pepper.
I love that list of fake regional sodas.
Well, all of that is inspired by Moxie and all those regional sodas that are still hanging in there, like Cheerwine from the Carolinas.
Yes it's amazing that some of them still are sticking around.
Well, people like different kinds of sugar. But Moxie is truly a tragic tale. It was once the most popular, sort of, um, nerve tonic available and predated Coca-Cola and Coca-Cola just destroyed it. Coca-Cola was designed just like Moxie to be a patent medicine that you get at the drugstore. It obviously had cola leaf--and cocaine--in it originally, and it cured what ailed you. And I guess Moxie, with its gentian root and other anise-flavored junk, couldn't compete. But it's still out there and it still tastes very medicinal and has now retreated to just New England where it is sort of a well-kept and bitter secret.
Yes, I've mentioned it to other people from other areas and they never know what it is.
Well, you have to find the secret shelf at Dave's Soda and Pet Food City in Hadley. They have it there.
Are you surprised that our political candidates have not been addressing the end of the world? And if you were a moderator in a debate, what would you ask them about it?
Well, they are being very game and pretending that the world is going to continue and pretending that they would have some sort of affect over it should they be president. Whoever is president will be immediately shuttled to the orbital White House. But I believe both in reality and in the reality I created my books that there are preparations being made for huge apocalyptic events. And I would be curious to know what kind of soda do they have at the orbital White House. Would they serve Moxie or maybe Shunt?
But seriously, I'm sure the government has a game plan for even the most ridiculous contingencies, far more ridiculous than anything in my book, I just don't think the president survival bunker would be as nicely appointed as, say Oprah Winfrey's space ark. Because I'm sure Oprah Winfrey, like all deranged millionaires and billionaires, has an apocalypse contingency plan. Because why not?
The only reason people don't prepare for the collapse of civilization is because it's expensive, right? And it's embarrassing. And people become angry if they find out you're burying 1000 school buses on your property for a bunker. But if you're a deranged millionaire or billionaire like Oprah Winfrey or myself, you have both the means, and the staff to do this crazy stuff for you. So you can inoculate yourself from the fear of looking crazy and just call your assistant and say, "I know this sounds nuts, but could you please start building some space arcs?Just get it underway." If you were Oprah Winfrey, would you not make that call?