Theo Chipkin 'good enough' in TV debut

Preparation is a two-edged sword. You sacrifice the present for the future and you're always one step away from worry, which is about the most undoglike characteristic I can imagine. Watch video

There’s just about no way that a dog can prepare for his TV debut.

A dog lives a simple life and needs just about no preparation for daily living. No one ever taught me to chase squirrels. I see them and I’m gone. The truth is that I don’t even know why I’m chasing them, and it doesn’t really matter. I chase, therefore I am.

Ditto for playing with sticks. If I had an opposable thumb (which humans are so proud of, but frankly I think is more trouble than it’s worth) I suppose I could think of lots of things to do with a stick. I could build a home (not that it worked out so well for that little pig. The truth is you might think your home is sturdy but sooner or later the wolf comes to your door) Or use it to start a fire (ask Bambi how well that works out). Or perhaps conduct an orchestra (artistic types are so temperamental) But I’d rather just play with the stick and be done with it.

Works great. No preparation needed.

Preparation is a two-edged sword. You sacrifice the present for the future and you’re always one step away from worry, which is about the most undoglike characteristic I can imagine. I suppose it is a way to accomplish things, but most accomplishments are highly overrated. The one thing for certain about two-edged swords is that pretty much they cut you either way.

Anyway, the point is that for most things, I find that I am prepared enough, which in a dog’s world is high praise. In my master’s family his mother said that all the girls were “pretty enough” which was always offered as a compliment although just about no one ever took it that way. It meant that their looks were sufficient to garner notice and a likely mate but not enough to go to their heads and make them too high-faluten – whatever that meant, but it was no great honor. I have a feeling that my mother, if I ever met her, would say that I am prepared enough to be a dog.

Still, none of that prepares a dog for television.

So, when as a consequence of my newfound status as the only regularly appearing canine columnist in America, television came calling, I really had no idea what to expect.

The actual invitation came by email (which I am still getting the hang of) courtesy of public television producer Jim Madigan who spends much of his time interviewing politicians but who nevertheless had a “nose for news” (I on the other hand have a nose for everything) and reasoned that his viewers might be willing to stop worrying about the election or the economy long enough to care about what a dog thought about, well, being a dog.

And so I found myself in the WGBY-TV, Channel 57, studios on Hampden Street in Springfield generally being fussed over and beautified (no problem there) while host Carrie Saldo prepped my master on what to expect. It turns out of course that he was no better prepared for what questions one might ask a dog than I was, the only difference was that he was worried.

I don’t worry, but I can be unpredictable. I’m not one of those Hollywood canines who has been brought up from birth to mug for the camera and who has been bribed by endless treats and trained by dog whisperers (why are they whispering anyway) to sit quietly while human actors try to remember their lines. When I get bored, I fidget. When I get hungry, I look for my dog bowl. When I have gas...well, you get the picture.

I’m sure everyone concerned was hoping none of that would happen, but the truth is no one knows how I will act from moment to moment, least of all me.

Dogs are just that way. We improvise.

And that’s just what I did through the usual questions of my parentage, how I came to Springfield, my foray into politics championing the rights of canines to sit quietly outside Starbucks (a tempest in a coffeepot if you ask me) and the response to my columns so far (enthusiastic but I’ve yet to hear from the Pulitzer judges.)

I flirted with the host, mugged for the cameraman and pretty much ignored the director, which I understand is par for the course for “the talent,” which is how I was referred to and which I saw no reason to dispute.

At the end of the interview I was invited to come back soon which is TV talk for either “I really mean it,” or “not on your life,”. I’m not sure which.

So, how did I do?

Well, you decide. Connecting Point airs at 7:30 p.m. Monday through Friday and I’ve been told my segment is scheduled for Nov. 19.

I hate to keep anyone waiting, but I can live with that. It’s not like I’m exactly breaking news.

Hopefully I'll give my viewers something to think about, and if not, I have a thick skin. I was born that way.

In the final analysis I figure that if I wasn’t good, then I certainly was good enough.