George Lucas missed his true calling as a cook in a cheap restaurant. Nothing is ever wasted; everything is constantly re-sold.
Liam Neeson, right, and Ewan McGregor in a scene from "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace."
“Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace” TWO STARS
Rated PG for violence and bathroom humor
136 minutes
Recently George Lucas said that he’d grown so tired of all the second-guessing, snide remarks and snarky satires from his old fan base that he’d given up plans to make any more “Star Wars” movies, ever. So, you know, thanks a lot, guys.
No, really, thanks. A lot.
If only we’d managed to tick him off this much years ago we wouldn’t have had those mostly unnecessary prequels. Alas, he wasn’t that oversensitive then. And so we got “Episode I – The Phantom Menace.”
And now we have it again, in 3D.
Lucas has, at times, been a great filmmaker, and a technical visionary, but I think he missed his true calling as a cook in a cheap restaurant. Nothing is ever wasted; everything is constantly re-sold.
So having already re-released the “Star Wars” films, and re-edited them, and tricked them out for home-video editions, now we’re getting them all again, in 3D, and at premium 3D prices, too.
It’s no bargain, and – in this film, at least – the extras adds little.
When he first made “Phantom,” Lucas had already emphasized depth by using a shallow focus, keeping the backgrounds a soft blur. Using real 3D adds only the smallest emphasis to a few scenes, like the pod race, whenever objects pass close to the camera.
As for the film itself, that seems even more one-dimensional then it did back in 1999, a mess of clumsy exposition, annoying child actors and plot points we now know never pay off (remember all the fuss about “Metachlorians?”).
Oh, and then there’s Jar Jar Binks. Lots of Jar Jar Binks.
That creature, with its floppy ears, pidgin English and ludicrous behavior remains the movie’s biggest flaw. Later, Lucas tried to explain him – and excuse himself – by saying that he’d always thought of the “Star Wars” films as being aimed at children.
But if so, why does he have such little interest in child actors? Jake Lloyd, who plays young Anakin Skywalker here – and just try not to cringe every time some character calls him “Annie” – is absolutely dreadful. As is most of Lucas’ dialogue.
Lucas has somewhat better actors here than he did in Episodes 4, 5 and 6; Ewan McGregor does a very good job of sounding like a young Alec Guinness, as Obi-Wan, and Liam Neeson gives sad dignity to Qui-Gon. But you realize how much humor Harrison Ford brought to things; without him, at times the movie itself feels frozen in Carbonite.
In fact, the entire movie feels kind of stuck, unable to move forward. Yes, Darth Maul is a great villain, with a terrific new weapon but the soldier droids look like ducks. The sets are impressive and John Williams score is one of his best, but the aliens look like Muppet rejects.
And so it goes, on and on, for at least a quarter of an hour more than it needs to – a running time expanded further by the pointless, and jokeless, “Ice Age” cartoon that starts things off.
If you liked “The Phantom Menace” 13 years ago, you’ll probably love it more now. (I was mixed on it then; I like it slightly less now.) But Lucas, clearly, is not concerned about old fans. Just about that new generation of young ones. And the next decade of extra profits.